Monday, August 23, 2010

A letter to my ex boyfriend

hey there,

i know it's been nearly a year since we last spoke, but you've been on my mind. nothing about you, specifically, more like that it was a year ago that we were together and so it being the same time of the year reminds me.

i don't really have that much to say to you, or about you. you were my first boyfriend (and the first guy i slept with more than once, incidentally), but you really don't mean that much to me. our relationship was pretty much a one night stand that lasted for two months too long. it's funny, really, because on paper we should have worked. similar taste in music, similar interests, similar look... but we were totally wrong for each other.

in case it ever crossed your mind to wonder if i cheated on you, no. i didn't. i do know that i got with my new boyfriend (who i'm still with, by the way) two weeks after you broke up with me, but nothing happened before that. i did meet him while we were together, and god yes i was attracted to him. but i didn't let myself get drawn into something i knew i'd regret.

you did say you wanted us to be friends, but i didn't really believe it. we didn't even have a friendship while we were together. and i don't really care. i cried, yes, i cried a lot, but i don't even know what i was crying for. i think it was like a kid who cries when they fall over. it doesn't hurt, it's just shock and confusion.

i don't even know what i believe about you. did you cheat on me? i have no idea. i know you lied to me about being a party when you said you had work. what else did you lie about? things fell apart so quickly in the end, for no apparent reason; and you said such strange things, it almost seems like you were searching for an excuse to break things off. maybe you were. and then you cut me off completely. what didn't you want me to see?

that's all, really, i know i'm never going to get answers to any of these questions. i've made my peace with that. you're not even significant enough to regret being with. you're just a time, a place, a vague memory. the only downside at all is that your bed was damn comfy.


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